Which relationship has taught you the most about yourself?
When I think about which relationship has taught me the most about myself, I honestly can’t pick just one. There have been several people in my life who have taught me valuable lessons, both good and bad. Some people teach us by loving and supporting us, while others teach us by showing us exactly what we don’t want in our lives or who we don’t want to become.
One of those people was my first husband. We were together for 15 years. I was not in love with him. Because of circumstances that I will write about in the future, I went to live with him when I was only 19 years old. I was young and naive.
He was a very abusive person. The abuse was verbal and mental, and for many years he controlled so much of my life. At that young age, I didn’t realize how much of myself I was losing.
But that relationship taught me some of the most important lessons about myself. He taught me what I did not want in life. I learned how to be resilient. I learned how to love and respect myself. I learned that I matter. I learned that I could work, become independent, and do something for myself.
Not every valuable lesson comes from someone who treats us well.
In my work life, another person who taught me an important lesson was a former supervisor. I worked under her for almost 11 years, and she had worked in our unit for more than 30 years. She could be very negative, rude, and disrespectful. She lacked empathy and people skills.
For most of those years, she was okay with me. Then one day, she yelled at me for no reason and embarrassed me in front of my coworkers. I decided to speak up and complained to our manager. The manager talked to her about what had happened.
The following week, everything changed. She went through my work, looking for every possible error, and gave me a verbal warning. After working under her for so many years, the timing made me feel like I was being punished for speaking up. She made me feel stupid and small.
Four years ago, I became a supervisor myself, and that’s when I realized just how much that experience had taught me.
She taught me the kind of supervisor I didn’t want to be.
I don’t want the people I supervise to feel small. I don’t want them to be afraid to come to me or afraid of making a mistake. I want to mentor people. I want to see them grow and flourish. I want to recognize their strengths and give them opportunities to become better at what they do.
Coincidentally, today I sit at the same desk that used to be hers. Sometimes I think about that. The same desk, but a completely different approach to leadership.
And lastly, there is my son.
He has taught me something completely different. He has taught me what true unconditional love is. Being his mother has taught me patience and what it means to care for someone so deeply. His happiness, his struggles, and his future matter to me in a way that is difficult to put into words.
Being his mother has also taught me things about myself that I didn’t know were there. Some people in my life taught me through pain. My son taught me through love.
When I look back at these relationships, I realize that each one gave me something different. My first husband taught me resilience, independence, and self-respect. My former supervisor taught me the kind of leader I wanted to become. And my son taught me unconditional love.
Life has a strange way of teaching us. Not every teacher comes into our lives to give us beautiful memories. Some teach us what we don’t want. Some teach us who we want to become. And some teach us just how much our hearts are capable of loving.
Good or bad, the relationships in my life have helped shape the person I am today.
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