Is it okay for a mother to constantly worry about one of her children more than the others?
I don’t know. I only have one child, so I can’t answer that question as a mother of several children. But I am one of five siblings, and I’ve experienced it from the other side.
My mother constantly worries about one of my brothers. A lot of our conversations somehow end up being about him.
She says it’s because he’s the one who gives her the most trouble.
And I understand that. If one of your children is struggling or constantly giving you reasons to worry, of course you’re going to worry about them more.
But sometimes I wonder: Why do I have to carry that worry too?
Why do I have to pay the price because I’m not the one giving her trouble?
Sometimes I can be having a perfectly good day, and after listening to the same worries and problems over and over, my whole mood changes. I end up carrying something that wasn’t mine to begin with.
Then there are the little things that are harder to explain.
The person who gives her the most problems can walk into the room, and her face changes. She lights up.
And yes, sometimes that hurts.
Does she love him more?
I don’t know.
Does it bother me?
Yes, it does.
Am I being dramatic?
I don’t believe I am.
I think parents have to be mindful not only of the child who needs them the most, but also of the children who seem like they’re doing just fine.
The child who doesn’t cause problems still has feelings. The responsible child still wants attention. The child who listens to all the worries can get tired too.
Sometimes the child who doesn’t give you the most problems is the one who carries the weight in silence.
I love my mother, and I know that worrying about her children is part of who she is. But I also think parents need to be careful about what they say and how much they place on their other children.
Because even when we’re grown, we’re still their children.
And being the child who causes less worry doesn’t mean we should become the child who carries everyone else’s.
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